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The Vernissage I wasn’t expecting

February 5, 2013
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The Vernissage wine box purse makes pouring a glass from the bottom of your handbag almost comprehensible

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, someone makes a box wine in the shape of a handbag.

In this case the ‘someone’ is a hopeful daring silly smart now very rich Swedish company named Vernissage whose hand held libation options include a rosé and two French blends: Chardonnay and Viognier, and a Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon. Prices are about $20 for 1.5 litres.

This is a box in a frock: we’re talking about hot pink or gold and cream, or black and gold to match your shoes. Check out the hardware details and the trim. It’s a girl’s night out (but where are you going with that?).

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So much detail: hardware, trim, shine, closure, false seaming along the edges

The Vernissage wine boxes certainly have distinct presence; is it to blend into the day’s scene so that you can carry a boxed wine sans boxed wine-related shame? Goodness gracious how embarrassing it is these days to be seen with a tetra pack of Pinot Noir. This is true. These are the days of mass-privileged high-consuming material world. We play it cool but seriously, how out of a storeful of glass bottles you brought home a carboard box with a plastic bag inside filled with wine. Let’s just air this out right now: there’s not much lower than the tetra pack (the honours go to our friend the boxed wine with spout). But that’s one rung away from showing up with a plastic cork and -oh, the oversight- a screw top bottle. Damn! Honest mistake.

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The tomato-red spout coordinates nicely with the black, gold, tan and cream

The Vernissage boxes remind me of when fancy people go to a fancy event but shove each other to get in line in front of each other. Tetra pack hierarchy is fiercely competitive, people!

Perhaps the most eye-rolling inducing aspect of Vernissage Wines’ portable product is the mock designer print on the carton not unlike the Louis Vuitton check pattern. It seems no matter how much I try to avoid even seeing the print, I get caught off-guard as men and women parade the doctor’s bag style Louis Vuitton piece in its signature two-tone brown check. At least fashion trends have phased out the splash of the label’s initials as print, although piggy-backers like Coach are still proving successful with this look; those darned Cs keep showing up thanks to the company’s mass appeal price points.

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This Louis Vuitton bag makes me crazy and to make things worse, someone who occasionally rides the Express bus to work with me has one

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Another colourway for that dumb LV print

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Coach, this is just not okay in so many ways

As a gal who is done like dinner with obnoxiously-branded accessories, I can understand how the target market is so nicely aligned with the Vernissage concept. I wonder if it’s successful, this purse wine.

Would I buy it? Would you? Maybe if I did have to spend a day in Paris hauling a box of wine. You never know, although if I was in Paris I would definitely be quaffing far better stuff. But, sure, I’d take a glass from the bottom of your boxed purse wine if you offered it to me.

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