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The Vernissage I wasn’t expecting

February 5, 2013

The Vernissage wine box purse makes pouring a glass from the bottom of your handbag almost comprehensible

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, someone makes a box wine in the shape of a handbag.

In this case the ‘someone’ is a hopeful daring silly smart now very rich Swedish company named Vernissage whose hand held libation options include a rosé and two French blends: Chardonnay and Viognier, and a Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon. Prices are about $20 for 1.5 litres.

This is a box in a frock: we’re talking about hot pink or gold and cream, or black and gold to match your shoes. Check out the hardware details and the trim. It’s a girl’s night out (but where are you going with that?).


So much detail: hardware, trim, shine, closure, false seaming along the edges

The Vernissage wine boxes certainly have distinct presence; is it to blend into the day’s scene so that you can carry a boxed wine sans boxed wine-related shame? Goodness gracious how embarrassing it is these days to be seen with a tetra pack of Pinot Noir. This is true. These are the days of mass-privileged high-consuming material world. We play it cool but seriously, how out of a storeful of glass bottles you brought home a carboard box with a plastic bag inside filled with wine. Let’s just air this out right now: there’s not much lower than the tetra pack (the honours go to our friend the boxed wine with spout). But that’s one rung away from showing up with a plastic cork and -oh, the oversight- a screw top bottle. Damn! Honest mistake.


The tomato-red spout coordinates nicely with the black, gold, tan and cream

The Vernissage boxes remind me of when fancy people go to a fancy event but shove each other to get in line in front of each other. Tetra pack hierarchy is fiercely competitive, people!

Perhaps the most eye-rolling inducing aspect of Vernissage Wines’ portable product is the mock designer print on the carton not unlike the Louis Vuitton check pattern. It seems no matter how much I try to avoid even seeing the print, I get caught off-guard as men and women parade the doctor’s bag style Louis Vuitton piece in its signature two-tone brown check. At least fashion trends have phased out the splash of the label’s initials as print, although piggy-backers like Coach are still proving successful with this look; those darned Cs keep showing up thanks to the company’s mass appeal price points.


This Louis Vuitton bag makes me crazy and to make things worse, someone who occasionally rides the Express bus to work with me has one


Another colourway for that dumb LV print


Coach, this is just not okay in so many ways

As a gal who is done like dinner with obnoxiously-branded accessories, I can understand how the target market is so nicely aligned with the Vernissage concept. I wonder if it’s successful, this purse wine.

Would I buy it? Would you? Maybe if I did have to spend a day in Paris hauling a box of wine. You never know, although if I was in Paris I would definitely be quaffing far better stuff. But, sure, I’d take a glass from the bottom of your boxed purse wine if you offered it to me.

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